Coming Home the Hard Way


I am here to report that we did not slither in yesterday afternoon when we returned home from our summer sojourn.  No siree.  No sneaking up on the neighbors here.

Let me back up.  Our last day of summer travel was done in blistering heat.  The drive consisted of leaving at 9 a.m. from Loomis, CA and driving south on 80 to highway 5.  We stopped at Kettleman City, barged into In ’n Out Burgers but did not stay because the line was way too long and we (read me) were too anxious to escape the heat and get home.  So, Rayman peeled bananas and we washed those down with macrons.  Such was our lunch.  It was thus my turn to drive.

Observation.  CA is parched.  I know this is not new news but highway 5 terrain is sad and brown and cracked.  And traffic was heavy.  Where are these people going?  Doesn’t anyone stay home anymore?  We badly need a high speed rail system.  Getting these people out of their cars and onto a speeding train would help so much.  I’m a huge fan of the project and I hope it gets done while I’m still alive!!!

Second observation.  The interior is hot.  The interior valley, the interior of the coach.  My interior.  On this trip I decided to take myself off my hormone patch.  Think I should have waited until winter.  OMG.  Hot on hot.

But I digress.  As the driver, I announced that I was willing to drive 41 between Atascadero and our house because it was the shortest route.  Rayman was wary.  He didn’t want to drive it.  So, I drove it after we disengaged the Fit.  OMG.  Our favorite avocado orchard was cut down during our long summer trip.  Lack of water.  Folks, this is getting serious.   And my skill as a driver of The Dog House knows no bounds.  I am a female Ralph Cramden.

Anyway, we arrived home and I scraped the bottom of the RV on the road as I made my turn onto Sierra Court.  Sunday is the day to put out the garbage cans and the annual “we’ll pick up all your extra junk” drive was scheduled for today (Monday) so black bags of junk littered the street and I managed to run over June’s junk as I made a u-turn on the street.  Then I managed to scrap the dog house on the tree by our mailbox as I parked it.  Between the heat and the long day and my carelessness, Rayman lost his wits and came darting out into the street saying something to the effect like, “What the hell are you doing?  Why didn’t you back up when you hit the tree?  Now the coach is scratched.  Jesus, Dianna.”  Or something along those lines.  So, by this time, everyone in the neighborhood knew we were home.  And then I confessed that I drove over some of June’s bags and that sent him to orbit.  “What the heck are you doing?”  etc. etc. etc.  The reason why he was so beside himself is that he knew he would be the one to clean it up.  He could only find one big bag and I had decimated three.  OMG.  So, I suggested we put her other two torn up bags in our garbage can which was largely empty.  That worked.  Thankfully, I might add.  While he was dealing with the garbage, I tried to get into the house.  It was locked.  I forgot the code on the garage door.  It took time to find my keys.  By the time I made it into the house, the junk was in the garbage can and things were “cooling off” if you get my meaning.

I, of course, was defenseless.  I had no idea what the answers were to his piercing questions.  I was just as baffled as he.  Only quieter.  You could describe it as sheepishly quiet.  Until I suggested that “well, I didn’t do it on purpose.”.  That was my defense.  And I rested my case.

So, we unpacked the refrigerator, brought in the meds and called it enough for the day.  Then we drove to Taco Temple and had the best meal…fresh king salmon tacos.  And chardonnay.  Then we came back home, took showers, and spent about an hour trying to reinstate our Premier DirecTV service and then trying to remember how to work the TV so that we could watch Breaking Bad, the first episode of season 4 aptly entitled Box Cutter.  Oh, how I have missed Walter White and Jessie.  Did I mention, it was particularly gruesome.  But I loved it.

Observation three.  Life is fine without TV.  We spent the entire summer without it.  The Dog House has two TVs but they are puny and most parks don’t have good channels and so we just forsook (is that a word?) TV and played Scrabble and read in the evenings.  Enchanting.  Unless scrabble involved a squabble, say, around “Is ha really a word?”  On the reading front, I dove into The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.  OMG.  With Kindle, you have no idea many pages a book is so I can’t tell you but I can tell you I started it Oregon and I’m still reading it.  I am now at the part where Japan has attacked Pearl Harbor.  And Hitler has just lost over a million men in Russia, primarily.  He is now regrouping.  And shoring up some help from Mussolini who is completely ineffectual as a leader, really.  And there is a plot afoot to get rid of Hitler by some of the generals but we all know how that ends.  In fact, we all know how it all ends but it is a fabulous book.  I have learned so much.  Hitler just rolled over many countries without firing a bullet.  And he declared war on the U.S. on Dec. 9, 1941.  Big mistake.  As was invading Russia…while he had a pact with them.

But, I digress.

So, here we are in the fog and it is lovely.  The dog has started his scratching again (what is he allergic to here?).  The house looks fabulous and BIG.   I am thrilled to be home and cool.

OH, I forgot to mention that…oh, forgetaboutit.



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